W.T.F. Florida

Today just some headlines for your reading (mostly dis-) pleasure:

‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill: Florida Senate passes controversial LGBTQ school measure

Disney employees furious the company won't denounce Florida's 'Don't Say Gay' bill

Gen Z won't stay quiet on Florida's 'Don't Say Gay' bill

Florida releases guidance discouraging covid vaccine for most children

Florida vaccine plan for children denounced as ‘irresponsible and reckless’

8 Crazy "Florida stories" of 2021

The Chicks on Tour 2022

Altruism vs. Self-Preservation

About 15 years ago, Jack Johnson wrote a song about things we know are bad -- war, plastic bags, wasting water -- and how we compartmentalize them in our heads to make ourselves feel less bad.

You're too good lookin' and mistooken
You could watch it instead
From the comfort of your burnin' beds
Or you can sleep through the static

We'll say: "It's only two plastic bags... maybe we'll get a rain barrel if we can find one that doesn't take up too much space... I feel awful about the war in Ukraine so maybe I'll send a donation... "

Charles Darwin thought humans have two competing instincts: self-preservation and the impulse to help (altruism). Humans as a species are biologically predisposed to act selfishly and in the interest of self-preservation. As a result, humans are incapable of acting purely altruistically because it would lead to their own extinction.

But really, does any rational human think we can't toggle between the two and even lean a little harder into the altruism than the self-preservation? We talk to our kids about kindness and inclusion and don't be a bully. Then we involve them in activities to recycle and plant things and donate food. Sure, those are fairly easy platitudes with some low-impact actions -- especially compared to "The Ukraine war is awful with major global implications so I will sign up to to join a war zone rescue effort." Those are extreme examples, but sometimes the toggle line can be hard to find.

Today I'm thinking about the "walk the talk" sentiment, if you can't tell. And along with that, I'm thinking about navigating that fine line between altruism and self-preservation... am I being altruistic "enough"... does my $100 donation really help anything... maybe I need to watch/read more news so I can contribute meaningfully to conversations with others... ?

I don't have a lot of extra time so the "enough" question for most topics is always rattling around in my head. I try to be generous but I can't give $100 to every cause I care about. And I already consume A LOT of news, which, even as a former journalist, begins to have a numbing effect and causes anxiety and other troubling feelings. Then self-preservation quickly becomes an obvious necessity.

I guess I answer my own questions from a well-intentioned, empathetic, mindful point of view that needs to do some self-preservation to keep going with any good deeds. And probably a bit of "something is better than nothing" and "lead by example" and "if it helps just one person it's worth the effort."  

So today I land on: altruism needs self-preservation and vice versa. After two years of a pandemic, so much tragedy and unrest, we are all wounded in various ways. But I think empathy and compassion are also right at the surface in most of us. Still, in order to help others we must also help ourselves. We just need to remember which way to lean a little harder when we're able.

Shock an awful thing to make somebody think

That they have to choose pushing for peace supporting the troops

And either you're weak or you'll use brut force-feed

The truth is we say not as we do

We say, "Anytime, anywhere"

Just show your teeth and strike the fear of God

Wears camouflage, cries at night and drives a Dodge pick-up

The beat and stop hogging the feast

That's no way to treat an enemy

Research suggests being socially mindful is the “default setting” for people and that acting in their own interest (or against another’s) takes more effort.

Patriotism and altruism won't sell the COVID vaccine. "Save yourself" is the most effective sales pitch. 

Is the news cycle stressing you out? Here are four tips.

The 10 friendliest animals on earth. 

Capybara t-shirt

Amanda Gorman print on Etsy

Change

Here I am on a February Friday morning, 2022, sick with something-not-covid. So much has changed since the last time I was here... writing, thinking, surfing, sharing. Today I'm thinking about change. The constant it is, the opportunities it brings, the problems it causes.

We're in the midst of "school choice season," where we need to tell our public school district which school we want our child(ren) to attend for the upcoming year. For the past five years, we have pretty much ignored this choice season because we love our K-5 community school and my daughters have thrived there. But this time we are fully engulfed. Change is imminent. 

Riloh is headed to 6th grade so we need to find a middle school that is "the best fit for her and our family." I put that in quotes because it feels like the directive that someone has said... me? Our school leaders? Parent friends? I don't know, and I struggle to put applicable criteria to its meaning.

Complicating things further during our first active choice season in six years, our beloved elementary school is changing start times in the fall. The change is significant -- from 9:30am to 7:30am -- and we are pretty certain that means we'll need to find another option for Daphne. But as a rising 4th grader who has endured so much change and uncertainty in her elementary school career, this seems incredibly unfair to her. Getting Daphne to school by 7:15am, however, also seems incredibly unfair to her. And me.

I'm mostly a positive-outlook person for most things. I'm excited for Riloh to become a middle schooler, stretch her wings and watch her practice her take-off to independence. I'm excited for Daphne to become the older kid in her school and feel the confidence she has earned in knowing her way around without the help of her big sister. 

I guess change requires risk. Leaps of faith. Expectation that change could bring more change. These are all things I've long been okay with but for some reason it's much harder to make changes now. Do I blame this on the pandemic? Don't we blame all the hard, bad, frustrating, unpredictable things on the pandemic? I definitely want to blame something.

I thought maybe writing this out could be helpful with processing change. It hasn't been, not today. Let's talk about butterflies, the ultimate experts of change. 

Monarchs are making a hearty comeback!

This is an old article about good schools versus effective schools but it resonated with me today.

Email etiquette: "Apologies if this email finds you unwell and hanging by a thread after nearly two years of a global pandemic. Please reply at your leisure or not at all."

Trade in your pandemic sweatpants for dystopia-core.

Your balaclavas are totally on-trend. 

Stevie Nicks and Harry Styles for your listening pleasure:

Stella McCartney ecru intarsia wool balaclava $425

Today She Wrote: VOTE

It's Primary Day in Minnesota. I'm lucky to be part of a community that is full of people who LOVE to vote. Voting days feel optimistic. Even if we don't agree on who is the best candidate, we're all focused on considering our hopes and vision for the future.

Find answers to your questions about primary voting here. And here's your polling location. NOW GET OUT THERE AND VOTE!

Necklace

A Little Better

Here's a great song with a great message sung by Maggie Rose, who kills the vocals in this live acoustic track:

The world wasn't broken in a day

And it ain't gotta stay this way forever.

But you ain't gotta change the whole damn thing, 

You just gotta leave it a little better.

Read Rolling Stone's interview with Maggie Rose from 2018.

"Rose wrote the bulk of 'Change the Whole Thing' firmly entrenched in the divisive current political atmosphere. She's seen a lot of rage, but, more disturbingly, she's seen apathy -- people upset with the world around them, but unwilling or lacking the conviction to chisel away at making a difference. Tweeting displeasure, but doing nothing. 'Apathy is my biggest pet peeve,' Rose says. 'Apathy is the enemy of artistry.'"

T-shirt on Etsy

So Much Winter

It’s mid-February and my cabin fever has spiked, predictably. Minnesota winters are cold and snowy and icy and last a long time. And it’s about this time of year, every year, I check in with my dad and sister to confirm who lives here only because the rest of us live here.

So what does one do for the many months of winter, besides complain about it? There are thousands of articles, blogs, podcasts, talk show segments, and pep talks from friends and spouses with encouraging ideas about how to “embrace” winter. I should try harder to be less crabby.

I think it really comes down to this: my love for summer is far greater than my distaste for winter. I love Christmas, first snowfalls, warm beverages, occasional downhill skiing. But I love, LOVE fresh warm air, sitting on the deck, icy drinks, flip-flops, extra daylight hours, green growing things everywhere...

If you are a winter lover, please know I mean no disrespect. I don’t fully understand you, but I respect your opinion. And I will try to get a better attitude about this incredibly long season, at least until my moving truck arrives <wink>.

Here are some winter/snow loving folks doing creative things:

This artist walks in the snow all day to create beautiful designs.

Snow art

Here’s what people in the happiest cold-weather countries do. This article points out, “If you look closely at the World Happiness Report for 2019, you’ll notice the top 10 is peppered with cold-weather countries that deal with even lower temperatures and longer periods of darkness than most parts of the U.S.” Mkay!

Five jobs for people who love winter. (Only five?!)

This man might love tropical summer more than me.

Read about "Arctic diamond" ice used for the most impressive ice sculptures in the world.

"Arctic diamond" ice blocks

Sweatshirt on Etsy

Tory Burch sandals

Must Listen

Here's my latest earworm... Loving Her by Katie Pruitt. I cannot stop listening to this performance.

But if loving her is wrong
And it's not right to write this song
Then I'm still not gonna stop
And you can turn the damn thing off.


Here's why some songs get stuck in your head.

Rainbow Hearts Print

Grace Farris illustration

Meri Meri Rainbow Girls Belt

Compassionate Leadership

I'm struggling to wrap my head around so many difficult news headlines this morning... State of the Union, ripped up State of the Union, Medal of Freedom, impeachment vote, Iowa... whew, it's all just heavy.

After my daily morning dive into news, I googled "kindness and leadership," looking for some anonymous assurances, I suppose. I found this article and it sparked some optimism on this weird day.

"Compassionate leaders acknowledge our universal interconnectedness and use their influence to make a positive impact on others and the planet. These leaders are courageous, contemplative, collaborative and care about the world they will leave behind."  Good start, Laurel Donnelan. I'm in.

Donnelan goes on to describe twelve lessons from business leaders that reflect compassion. You really should read each profile; they will improve your mood. Here's the list of lessons:

1. If you are lucky enough to amass wealth, consider giving much of it away and do some good while you are still alive. (Chuck Feeney)
2. The decisions you make as a business leader can accelerate sustainability for people and the planet. (Eileen Fisher)
3. Organic farming is good for all of us and our planet. (Woody Tasch)
4. Leaders of the future will drive purpose and meaning at work. (Karlin Sloan)
5. Find your buzz. (John and Molly Chester)
6. The first step to compassion is self-compassion. (Uvinie Lubecki)
7. Compassion is a strategic advantage. (Scott Shute)
8. Teach compassion to future leaders by creating meaningful experiences that foster empathy. (David Corsun and Cheri Young)
9. Make work fun. (Alix Kram)
10. Losing everything can help you focus and make better business decisions. (Kathleen King)
11. Compassion is the heart's response to suffering. (Kristina Workman)
12. Try to be of benefit to others and everything else will fall into place. (Larry Carlson)

It's easy to get discouraged and shut it all off, and I think we do need to shut off the television and social media sometimes. But it's critically important to engage and show up and work to amplify the things that make us better people. I don't think it's Pollyanna to look for the good when there's a lot of bad. In fact, I think it's most people's natural instinct to want to help others and lift each other up. 

Print by Rachel Brown

And a few random fun things:

Get up to speed on some wild beauty trends for 2020. And here's why everyone is obsessed with nails by Mei Kawajiri.

Seems like a good time for a reminder about French style rules.

Unzipped Glass Zipper Bag

In the mood for love stuff

Just a few pretty things to enjoy looking at (or buying):

Love sign language print

Love vase set

Hand heart sculpture

Heart initial stacking rings

Pink heart candle

I said never and now I have two guinea pigs

Ads for this print keep showing up in all of my social media:

GP art print

We're guinea pig people now. I said, "absolutely not, rodents aren't pets" and now Buttercup and Juniper are living their best lives in my basement.

I have a child who is crazy about animals. She is passionate, knowledgeable, caring and concerned about every damn animal in the entire kingdom. I'm not frustrated about those things at all; in fact I'm super proud of her. It's really wonderful to see your child so passionate about something. So despite my initial irk, I'll admit these two little furballs are starting to grow on me.

Of course they are WAY MORE WORK (for me) than anyone wanted to admit when they first joined our family. But given the choices I was presented -- "Mom, I REALLY want a horse. Or backyard chickens. Cats? Okay, fine I'll settle for two guinea pigs." -- this seemed to be a fairly straightforward decision.

I'm choosing to focus on the benefits of kids caring for pets. The empathy for other living things, the knowledge of the animal's special needs, the responsibility of taking care of them (we have room to grow here).

On average they live six to eight years, which gets us almost through high school (<mind blown>). And on a whole, they have been a net positive for our family. It's even kinda nice to have two little buddies who will happily eat organic greens with me.

I should probably order that art print.

Juniper and Buttercup

GP footprint Xmas ornaments (I paid for these)

People give you these kinds of gifts when you have GPs

Hundreds line up for guinea pig cleansing ritual in Peru.

Eight ways to stay hydrated. Worth reading; I came up with only one: drink water.

Ways to combat the effects of alcohol on the skin. Also a worthwhile read; I came up with: drink less alcohol. Do guinea pigs make me snarky?

Think pink. 10 best pink lipsticks right now.

Ten reasons NOT to get guinea pigs.... (it's a trick! You'll definitely get guinea pigs if you watch this!)

Today is a day "on"

I was born years after Martin Luther King, Jr., was assassinated. It wasn't a news event that I recall where I was and what I was doing when it happened, like when the Challenger exploded. I learned about MLK, Jr., in school and over the years developed a fuller understanding of his life and work and message.

I grew up in a suburb of St. Paul that was largely caucasian and middle- to upper-middle-class. I got a great early education at our local public schools from teachers who pushed us and with families who supported us. Our community felt mostly safe and accessible and offered us young people the chance to explore our little world without much fear of something bad happening to us. And to my fairly sheltered 17-year-old mind, the world was probably mostly like this in most places. 

This many years later, I wouldn't say I was completely naive back then. I was always curious about the world and social justice issues and where my life choices would lead me. But I definitely didn't personally struggle with issues of race, poverty, food insecurity, injustice, prejudice, and on and on. Life for me was easy compared to others who face these major challenges daily. And it still is.

My "struggle" back then -- and still today -- is this: what can *I* do to improve these issues for those who are affected? What can a blonde, green eyed woman from White Bear Lake, Minnesota do to improve race issues? Is it about intent? Sincerity? Doing something, anything? Read/listen/attend/learn more? It's an overwhelming question -- what can *I* do? -- but there's got to be a way to boil it down a bit. Here I go.

Martin Luther King, Jr.'s, message was about peace, freedom and unity. He dreamed of a day when his four little children would "not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." One of his most powerful messages was, "Life's most persistent and urgent question is: 'What are you doing for others?'"

Okay, that's a good place to start -- what are we doing for others? 

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day is officially a national day of service. The motto is "a day on, not a day off." I'm spending some time today to reflect on new ways to serve others in my community. I'm grateful for my fortunate life and being a good neighbor is crucial as we work to improve life for others. We have to show up. We have to lead by example. We all have work to do.

At age 35, MLK, Jr., was the youngest man to receive the Nobel Peace Prize.

129 examples of community service projects. Jump in!

Editorial: What MLK, Jr. might think of America today.

The mental health benefits of volunteering.

Black history makers mug

Manners, please

This was a gift from my Grandmother for my seventeenth birthday:

My Grandmother was a petite woman with a big personality who deeply loved her family more than anything and we always knew it.  I have great memories of Marjorie Elizabeth Schultz, whose middle name is also mine. 

She had opinions about everything, which I always admired.  And she had a special way of delivering her advice that made clear what she wanted you to know/do, but still with a kindness or humor so you didn't feel scolded. So when I got the Miss Manners book I received it with these same sentiments. Grandma was sharing her knowledge (and expectations) with her granddaughter and I understood how this gift was to be received. And to be clear: my manners and etiquette "training" began long before I turned seventeen.

Manner are behaviors we all know, or should know.  (Sorry, do you feel scolded? Tone can be hard to convey in writing. <wink>)  We are taught these acceptable ways to interact with others from early ages and they are important pillars of a civilized society. Yes I just wrote that. Please keep reading.

It's also very obvious when manners have been ignored, right? It kind of makes you cringe when you witness a bad/no manners situation.

Let's all work to encourage good manners with those around us, shall we? But let's do it in a kind, non-scolding sort of way. Grandma Marge would approve.

Did you know??

When you introduce someone, you should say their name first and their relationship to you second.  Wrong: "This is my sister Jill."  Right: "This is Jill, my sister."

Asparagus is correctly eaten with one's fingers.

 

 

Get your own copy of Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. It has been "freshly updated" so you'll likely get some additional advice in your newer edition.

Etiquette versus Manners. Here's a primer.

A short history of modern manners, according to a British guy.
Manners have an image problem. This stems in part from a tendency to conflate them with the people who profess to be their most passionate defenders. Even more damagingly, manners are confused with the cramped codes of etiquette, with silly and arbitrary rules about fish knives and the precise length of time one should mourn the passing of a second cousin.

Be the Kind Kind

Of course being kind doesn't require props. But here are some creative ways to express its importance. Cool, right?

Print by beguima on Etsy

Print by Becky Simpson

Organic cotton tshirt on Etsy

Be Kind Vegan Necklace

Youth tshirt by Port 213

Want Ellen's next Be Kind box? Hop to it, these things sell out.

Nice people finish first in business.

Here are the world's kindest countries.

And this is the friendliest creature on the plant.

Enjoy this little throw-back gem from 1998:

You've been so kind and generous

I don't know how you keep on giving
For your kindness, I'm in debt to you

-- "Kind + Generous" by Natalie Merchant

Blank Canvases

It's almost mid-month and I'm still in the "it's January, what should I be doing/thinking/planning for the new year" frame of mind. Walking up to fresh snow this morning put a nice clean blanket on rooftops and lawns. And the new bunny footprints around the garage are pretty cute. (But don't get the impression I like winter, haha.)

My thoughts today are about blank canvases. Taking ideas that are rolling around in my head and getting them into some kind of tangible form. I enjoy new beginnings -- a new planner, a new DIY home project, a new client. But I tend to be more comfortable once things have gotten underway and I have figured out some direction. Blank canvases can be their own kind of barrier to next steps. The pressure to put down that first blob of paint can be excruciating!

That's sort of how I'd describe my blank January canvas. I'm trying to figure out where to blob the paint. I'm looking for new clients, or a different kind of job, or something entirely new. I'm looking to paint a fresh picture of my career ambitions and get grounded in my next new thing. Whatever that might be.

Good luck if you're trying to work through new ideas today. And don't be intimidated by the blank canvas. That's my advice to myself, anyway. Make another french press and keep at it.

Ile de France Landscape by Paul Cezanne

Here are some links to further your procrastination today:

Weird ways to recycle your ski gear.

Try this fresh cocktail recipe to combat winter.

Maybe you just need to get out of dodge!

Are you prepared in case you decide to venture out??

Every six months or so I do a search to make sure bangs are still on-trend. Turns out they're still on the list, phew.

Amazon is the rabbit hole of things I never realized I needed. Here's a helpful list to help you fritter away your entire afternoon. You're welcome.

Kissing Mugs